Saturday, March 2, 2013

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

- Dr. Seuss

My favorite quote in the whole wide world. I've never been one who has like to stand out or have all the attention drawn to me. I hate speaking in front of large groups. Maybe my heavenly father knew that it would be my weakness, so he made me find music. He made me find something that I was so passionate about that I was willing to let my fears go. It's weird to think that my passion for music is what led me to working in the fitness industry, but it really is. I had natural rhythm and timing and not only could follow the steps that were taught, but teaching them came naturally too. That evolved into teaching bootcamps and Yoga and Spinning and yada yada, it's still continuing to snowball. Somewhere along the line I happened to notice that I was being forced to be in front of people and conquer my fear of attention. Well played God, well played. I hate standing out, but I need to get used to the idea if I'm going to do anything important in this world.
     The other thing that makes me stand out? My kids. MY KIDS. Noisy, crazy, attention-drawing kids.  And I love them, but wow have I faced some harsh judgement over them. And just when you think you've met all the judgers, you happen to stumble upon more. So even though this quote by Dr. Seuss is something we preach, I tend to think it reality there are only certain realms we practice it in. For example, stand out, but only if it's in some COOL, innovate, radical kind of way. I don't think my kids fall into that category. They fall in the the annoying, "can you get that out of my face" category.  Oh well, it's good for me. It reminds me to have empathy and love for others. It teaches me to stick to my guns and not back down from what I know is true and right. What i know is true and right is that I am not always a perfect parent and sometimes I lose it under all this pressure. Sorry for those of you who have observed that :) it will probably happen again. I'm practicing those temperance, patience, love skills but they are slow in coming. But do you know what I really love? I LOVVVEEEE it when I see someone else's kids being super naughty. YES! Muhahahahhahaha! I love it when people tell me in frustration about the naughty antics of their children and their chagrin at their children's behavior. I LOVE IT!!!! It's like they've joined my club, and now I know that we can be friends. We can be on the same team! My poor sister-in-law Natalee is dealing with a crazy toddler. I love every minute of it, I relish hearing about how he head-butts people and refuses to take any sort of a nap. She's getting the real parent training and I love it! Now the playing field is leveled. She'll excuse my children and their naughty behavior and I will without a doubt do the same for her. I embrace the chance to have a friend who is surrounded by crazy too! I can't wait for anyone to join it so we can laugh and make fun of each other's trials! So we can agree to not take life to seriously and to turn the other cheek at the know-it-all mom's who would be aghast at us and our children. It's an elite club that only those non-hater, parents of crazy children get to be in. I welcome you to it, but only if you qualify for membership. Only requirements: crazy children and the ability to recognize it sucks FOR ALL OF US.  Oh and you have to bring food too, because we all need some food to eat while we are mocking our families. 
     This is what makes me fear moving. The people in my neighborhood and ward have gotten used to my kids (specifically Ethan), but not without a lot of judgement and finger pointing at the start of it all. We've mostly past that stage. When and if we move (which is soon and coming), it will start all over again. It makes me dread the though of going to church with all those staring people. I mean what else does anyone have to do in sacrament meeting except people watch? Ahhh, I cringe. Deep breaths, gird your loins, prepare for the stares. That's I guess what God has really been preparing me for is the stares. It's not necessarily public speaking, but it should be handled with just as much poise. I'll try to find that poise that was never genetically given me and actually use some of it. Maybe I'll start using it before we move. Unfortunately I found some more people that would rather judge me then understand our family.  It's a good trial, a good thing to be processing in your head: how to I still go out in public (church) without bursting into tears or screaming at the staring people? I'll tell you how, I just do. Stick to my guns, stand up and be strong. I'll be sad that I can't be friends with the newbies in the ward. We're just too much for them and that's okay. But I am not going to lay down and let that define me. I'm feisty. Thanks Dad, for that. Thanks for making me feisty just like you. Or was is Mom? ;)

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